Life and work

Chest harness done by Aley Cat

Life has been quite a fickle as of late. It is one reason why I haven’t done anything as of late. Life has thrown me from babysitting two children to now three children, it has me working a few side jobs like Doordash and Onlyfans. I’ve had two relationships in the past year that didn’t work out. One said it was mental health, later on found out he only though of it as a thing (pet/owner relationship) instead of a real relationship. The other was on the road as a truck driver and couldn’t handle with him on the road. Now, I have a wonderful boyfriend that supports my actual job of babysitting as well as supports my side jobs. I also have a wonderful girlfriend who is also willing to help out with my Onlyfans. A funny thing is, I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met my boyfriend. I was looking for a guy for my girlfriend, she wasn’t interested in the guy I had seen, so I went for it, and now we’ve been together for almost 5 months. But hey, like some say, you have to stop looking to find happiness.

I’ve also started up a new hobby. I’ve been intrested in the art of shibari (the art of rope tying). I’ve been tied up and had photoshoots few times, and then during a shibari munch (gathering/hangout), a friend had bought me my first rope (sadly it is 27 feet and not the usual 30 to 35 feet). Due to my rope being short, there are only a few things that I can do with it. I am hoping to buy more rope (proper length) so I’m able to do more with it. It’s a little odd, at first I only wanted to be tied up and be a model/practice rope bunny, but now that I have rope, I want to be a rigger (person who does the tying) for some people. I’ve been able to do the Futo (aka Futomomo), a little bit of the Cow Hitch, the Bowline, and since I know how to do the Futo I can do the Booty Basket. It’s all very interesting and I can’t wait till I get the proper length rope to do them all.

Overall, life has been alright. I just need to keep my head up, have a good support system, and have love around me. I do hope to share my journey of shibari, doordash, and Onlyfans with you all. Thank you again for being here for me and I apologize for how long it’s been since I last had something to say.

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Having my life together

Budget for finances

I apologize in advance that this is a rant.

I want to address a situation that is going on in life. My life is together. I was approached that i did not have my life together by living with family. Then after making a statement about being financially stable, I was approached on not being emotionally or mentally stable and i should be in 15 more relationships to realize it.

Here is where I stand on this matter. I live with my parents. If I did not, all of us would be on the streets. I help with rent to stay. I do chores. I pay for my own phone, my car paymen, car insurance (which is paid in full for the 6 months), life insurance, gas, rent, and student loans (which start next year).

I also am trying to get myself back into school. While living with parents, it helps that i would only need to pay tuition/get student loans/ get financial aid. I wouldn’t need to pay for a dorm or apartment just yet. I know eventually i will need to move out. I plan on doing so when I go for my masters in about 3 years once i get back into school.

With being emotionally and mentally unstable, yes I have a problem. So does everyone else. I get attached to people easily and I fall hard. Right now I only have 1 relationship that I have been in for 4 years. It is the only one I need. I may need the attention and physical contact since my relationship at the moment is long distance. Some say being Poly is an excuse. It is not. I may not be mentally stable, but to me it comes from past relationships or past friendships that have failed me.

In addition, I can take care of children, be clean from drugs, have a clean record. I placed my own child for adoption due to the fact I knew I was not stable at the time. I take care of the children I babysit, I would do anything to have my own child now because of taking care of children around the same age. My child was not taken away from me, i do not have a drug addiction, I do not jump from place to place, I do not jump from job to job. In the 10 years I have had relationships, i have had 10 relationships. That is an average of 1 a year. 2 of those relationships have been 4 years. I have waited on marriage to make sure I don’t make a stupid move.

So my point is, yes, I know i am financially stable but can be unstable emotionally and mentally. And it is okay. I have the friends and family I need to help me through it. I also have gone to counseling for 2 years and have wanted to go back, but due to covid, that has been on pause.

Relationship and Friendship

Reading done for relationship

So recently in January of 2021, I had a bit of a fall out with a good friend of mine whom I had wish many times for a relationship. It came to a point where I got lead on and both of us got hurt. Well, I had asked for a relationship reading done before the incident in this one group on Facebook. The reader ended up doing the actual reading the morning after the incident with the friend. The reading hit me hard and was so true to where I really need to focus on myself and the friendships that I have instead of trying to find and seek attention for love. I have came to terms with many people in my life that I have seeked for their affection and attention, been able to come to terms that all I need is their friendship and support. I just need to let the affections and attention come on its own when the time is right and have the friends help me keep myself focused on making myself better and to have me love myself over having someone love me. We all may seem like we need that special someone in our lives so we don’t feel so alone, but sometimes being alone for the time being is what needs to happen and having friends will help fill a little bit of that lonely void. You can have 1 friend or 20 friends, just as long as they are there for you and to support you in life and to help you stay on track. I am one who cares about others and can care too much as well as get attached to someone quickly. This reading is a huge blessing and one that I will keep with me forever.

Hanging while working

I have noticed something while working and having friendships. Most of my friends aren’t keen on children. My work consists of babysitting children and I am able to go out with them. I try to see if friends would like to hang out while children are playing and I by myself at a park. I have noticed most friends giving me excuses not to hang out instead of just telling me they don’t like children. I give chances on hanging out while I am out with the children, but it seems to me I am losing friends. There are times I can’t hang out while I don’t work, so I try to make the best of what I can do. If friends are there for you, they would hang out regardless of children there or not. I feel like this is something common with others who have friends that dont have children.

Well being, friendships, and relationships

As of lately, the virus has everyone on a panic. For me, all I want is for everyone to be healthy, so then I can see friends and my girlfriend.

We all need to keep ourselves healthy to keep those who are dear to us healthy. Well being is a big part of our every day life. Just as friendships and relationships.

Friendships are important in life to me because what is life when all you do is things by yourself. Things are better with friends and family.

Relationships are also important. We must have trust, honesty, and respect. All three are important in having a healthy relationship. But only if both sides of the relationship has all three of the traits. I just learned that all three traits are important in a relationship from my new girlfriend.

All of these will help in a better and happier life.

Girlfriend Daisy and I. Photo by me.

Trying to relax before the writing starts again

I know it has been some time since the last time I posted. Things have become busy for me and I have just now been able to relax just a little. I did a post about self care and that’s what I am trying to do again. My life has been very busy and stressful and I guess a way to help before I start to write again is by playing video games. It doesn’t help though when a little cat that is tired wants to sleep on my hand as I play. I know once I start to write again, she will do the same. I adore that she helps me relax, but things do need to get done. Sorry for the rambling. But my point is, no matter what, try and relax before doing something that will take time out of your day.

Self healing

I know that my blog is normally to be about creative writing, but I wanted to make this post about self healing. We all need to take the time to take care of ourselves and put aside the big and small things in life that can make us not take care of ourselves. I have had to step aside from writing and had to take care of me for a few days. I won’t be writing till next week because of the holiday of Thanksgiving with the family. Hope you all take care of yourselves and become healthy.

Day 6 of NaNo

My words counts for NaNo

As a week draws near for us who are doing NaNo, some of us may be struggling. I am just barely pushing through. I do want to say to those who are struggling to just write and worry about word count near the end of the day. Just keep typing away and leave word count till the end. That is one thing that has helped me out is to never worry on word count till you have about a few hours left in the day.

Friendship

Me and my amazing Canadian friend

I wanted to start off with this next blog to talk about long distance/online friendships. I have many friends that I contact with on social media or through texting. There is one friend who I met through social media and we became penpals. We send each other holiday and birthday cards and snail mail. Just this year, this friend and her husband came from Canada on a business trip and stopped by for a visit. I had a lot of fun and enjoyed the visit. The one thing that I have learned from this visit and this friend is to never give up on the friendships that you have, no matter the distance, there my become a time that you will meet in the future…..I also met two other social media friends about 5 years prior to this friend from Canada. It is wonders on who you meet online to meet in real life.